nothing short.

life is actually nothing short of awesome right now.
of course there has been the odd curve ball thrown recently, what with max's passing and always being very alone right now due to having an empty house for a alot of the past week..
but despite that, life is being good to me at the moment.. sort of.

... not a phase.

i desperately wish it was, because forgetting about you would be so much easier than this complete loss of control. i tell myself i won't do this, won't do that and i sure won't let myself get caught up on you. but everytime i see your face i lose any control i have ever had. and when you smile, i'll always smile. and while you're away, i'll still think about you. i don't want to. but i will.

fail plus

what a fail. this is going to drive me insane.
and i have no idea how i'm going to even get myself out of it.

i just wanted an escape.
and ended up in an even bigger mess.


you're not the escape i need.
you just aren't. god damn it.

you.

co-ordinate brain and mouth, then ask me what its like to have myself so figured out. wish i knew.


He looks at me, i fake a smile so he won't see, that i want and i'm needing everything that we should be. I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about. And she's got everything that i have to live without. He talks to me, I laugh cos it's so damn funny, that i can't even see anyone when he's with me. He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right. i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night.

He walks by me, can he tell that i can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly. The kind of flawless i wish i could be. She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love. Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky, cos he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. He's the song in the car i keep singing, don't know why i do. He's the time taken up but there's never enough. And he's all that I need to fall into...

not you, but us.

i don't miss you.
but i miss what we had.

i'm a litle afraid that i won't find it with the next person. iv met someone that thrills me like you used to. but they're.. better. and i'm too scared to even try.

you opened my eyes. you made me stronger. and you made me so much weaker.

ugh

you know what, i hope its just a phase.
because it feels like a fucking punishment.

i don't want it to be a phase..
but i think it might be easier.

77

days. and then you're gone again.
of course i'll be at the airport, you moron.