the simplicity of this complex truth

there is no better way to state what this is, except for this one word; hopeless.

i feel so disgustingly smitten by you.
it honestly is driving me insane.
what is this?!

so here it is,

i have never wanted to give so much of myself to someone in such a short amount of time as i do right now. irrational and almost definitely a mistake. but i feel as if i have very little control when i am anywhere near you, or you so much as enter my brain. call me stupid, and i'll play the idiot.

the very best,

when everything is wrong i come talk to you.
you make things alright when i'm feelin' blue..
you are such a blessing, and i won't be messing with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness.

there is no other one who can take your place.
i feel happy inside when i see your face.
i hope you believe me, cos i speak sincerely and i mean it when i tell you that i need you.
i'm here right beside you, i will never leave you, and i feel the pain you feel
when you start crying.

you're my best friend. and i love you.

badluck

i am having the worst luck at the moment.

this.

turn out my headlights, make the snow fall seem like tiny stars around us.
and if we die here and no one ever finds us, i couldn't think of a better way to go.

adventure.

we're off to sydney for an adventure. a brilliant escape.

--

What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?

above

i'm looking for something more.
something above all of this.

i'm not sure what it is that i am looking for.
i don't know where to look.
or even how to go about looking.
but i'm trying anyway.

i need this more than you know.
i need this more than I know.

no words,

i have absolutely no words to describe how much i have loved the past 2 nights out.
in general, they were both actually pretty bad.
but you made my night, both nights, just by being you.

you are, without a doubt, the best decision i have ever made.

& i

would really love to think about something else for 5 seconds.
and not be so hung up on someone that i barely know.
and not have that same someone drive me absolutely insane.

id really like my mind back, kthx.

1thousand.

i bet a thousand dollars that he never calls.
one thousand

i can't,

i can't get my mind off of you.

hopeless.

i'm not going to deny or try to hide this at all..
he honestly turns me into a giggling little schoolgirl that can't stop smiling/giggling to actually speak to him.


i cannot wipe the smile off my face whenever i think about his funny little smile/he's around/he messages me. :]]]

i never told you;

but its all in your goodbyes.

errr

probably never going to happen again.

nothing short.

life is actually nothing short of awesome right now.
of course there has been the odd curve ball thrown recently, what with max's passing and always being very alone right now due to having an empty house for a alot of the past week..
but despite that, life is being good to me at the moment.. sort of.

... not a phase.

i desperately wish it was, because forgetting about you would be so much easier than this complete loss of control. i tell myself i won't do this, won't do that and i sure won't let myself get caught up on you. but everytime i see your face i lose any control i have ever had. and when you smile, i'll always smile. and while you're away, i'll still think about you. i don't want to. but i will.

fail plus

what a fail. this is going to drive me insane.
and i have no idea how i'm going to even get myself out of it.

i just wanted an escape.
and ended up in an even bigger mess.


you're not the escape i need.
you just aren't. god damn it.

you.

co-ordinate brain and mouth, then ask me what its like to have myself so figured out. wish i knew.


He looks at me, i fake a smile so he won't see, that i want and i'm needing everything that we should be. I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about. And she's got everything that i have to live without. He talks to me, I laugh cos it's so damn funny, that i can't even see anyone when he's with me. He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right. i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night.

He walks by me, can he tell that i can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly. The kind of flawless i wish i could be. She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love. Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky, cos he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. He's the song in the car i keep singing, don't know why i do. He's the time taken up but there's never enough. And he's all that I need to fall into...

not you, but us.

i don't miss you.
but i miss what we had.

i'm a litle afraid that i won't find it with the next person. iv met someone that thrills me like you used to. but they're.. better. and i'm too scared to even try.

you opened my eyes. you made me stronger. and you made me so much weaker.

ugh

you know what, i hope its just a phase.
because it feels like a fucking punishment.

i don't want it to be a phase..
but i think it might be easier.

77

days. and then you're gone again.
of course i'll be at the airport, you moron.