30/10/08 SBW.

So today was probably one of the best days of my life. After i got school out of the way, Sam and I went on a road trip. We had no idea where we were going, we just picked a direction & drove. When we came to a road we decided which way to go on the spot. It was good. I won't go into detail.. but it involved a lot of dirt roads, farms, beautiful houses, cows, horses, a bunch of tiny country towns, a crumby beach, a great beach, buying pj pants & a shirt & towels from an Op Shop in Flinders to go swimming in the great beach, Sam spending the rest of the day in his underwear, the view at arthur's seat, the same 5 songs on repeat with both of us singing as loudly as we could, the best damn smile ever, and a break from routine that both of us dearly needed. Riding shotgun in his car while we go road tripping is the best feeling. Thankyou Sammy Tallpants :]

[i might be short, but he's in his underwear! how good are our new op shop towels!]

My bed is covered in sand, dammit.

CTR rings mean more than three words now..

Just one look at you, and i'm exactly where i was over a year and a half ago.
I couldn't get rid of the photos of me & him.. but the minute i saw your face, they were gone. Finding you has been all iv been able to think about since you left. Last night was my last try.. if i didn't find you then, i was giving up. And there you were. With that goofy look on your face, and then with the beautiful smile. The best smile in the world :]

Looking at you makes me want to cry because i remember how i felt everytime you were around. And how thats never happened since you left.

I'm glad i didn't stop looking, and apparently so are you.
This moment couldn't be sweeter unless you were standing in front of me.
And even though you're city streets are so damn far from me, i'll still smile when i think of you. Because if theres anyone worth waiting for, it's you.

You've got me both hooked and sinking...

You can say anything and it rips me up.

Make me feel like my heart might be ready to be thrilled again..

i'm a little unsure why i'm the one thats worried about you.
and also a little unsure of why i'm the one in tears over this, when i should be the one brushing it off, or maybe not even listening to begin with.

i had so much hate for you. thats the only time that i have ever actually wanted to hurt someone. physically, emotionally..
because you hurt me so damn much. you broke me down to whole new level and left me there to pick myself back up from it. and i hated you so much.

id like to think i still do. but i'm too tired to hate anymore. i still haven't picked myself up from the first time yet, and theres not enough energy left in me to hate you. so i'll take whatever you have to throw at me, and i'll let you break me down. because i just can't be bothered fighting anymore.

tonight i saw you let down your guard for a second. i was the bigger person, and you gave me opportunity to take advantage of that. but i just sat here. and now i'm actually worried about you. now i worry for you, while you break me down.

if i don't worry about you, nobody else will.
i hate that i'm the person caring about you and for you.
and i hate that you're the person pulling me apart.
but somehow, i sortof like that we're talking again.
what the fuck is going on.

end of the 2008 school year.

i'm 98% convinced that this has probably been the best year of my life so far.
these are the people that made it what it was, and i don't think they will ever really know just how much i appreciate them.




Monterey Secondary College Class of 2008.
as often as i say i hate that place, it holds more memories for me than my own mind, and has forced me to grow into whatever it is you might call the person iv become.
thankyou monterey :]