its called a break up because its broken.

i'm too scared to properly move on in fear of hurting you more than i already have.
please hurry up and move on, so i can too.
i don't want to be stuck like this much longer.

another year.

i made it past the four year mark. i concentrated on schoolies, sam's birthday and movember to keep my mind off it. and it worked a little. not entirely though. i still thought about it all day. sent lauren a message telling her that i loved her and i was here if she needed me and to keep smiling. i guess i feel a little closer to her this time of year. i do try to avoid her everytime the 28th rolls passed. its too hard to look at her without breaking down.

four years. it never gets any easier.
adrian john evans - RIP baby. i'll love and miss you always.

twenty.

sam bruce webster.
or possibly better know as 'Tallpants'.
i love phone calls from him at 3.30am just to talk shit.
today he's 20!

"iv lived about a quarter of my life today! its been a shit quarter. the last year has been ok. not really its been pretty shit. nah it was good in some parts. nah its a good quarter, i met you in this quarter."

happy birthday, sammy - love you!
xo

schoolies.

Walhalla, "wally", "wallo".

probably the most relaxing and best 4/5 days in a long while.
chilled out in good weather with some amazing people.
met some hilarious guys.
spent a fair bit of time chatting with one of them :] :]
hung out in a river.
drank HEAPS.
ate little. (but lots of apples <3)
slept very little.
yelled a lot.
sung a lot.
named a fish.
laughed myself stupid for hours on end.
relaxed.
loved life.


best idea any of us have ever had :]
i love schoolies (and our tradie toolies).
<3 :]

:]]

i like skipping down the halls out the back of work when nobody is around. i like waking up and realising i don't have to be anywhere for hours. i like waking up to, or coming home to and empty house. i like dancing like a dickhead. i like it when i realise i am smiling for no reason at all. i like putting my head on my pillow after a long day. i like long drives with good music and the window down. i like camping trips. i like trips, in general. i like hotels, a lot. i like the feeling i get when i realise iv just passed over the NSW state line. i like it even more when i see the "Welcome to Narooma" sign at the side of the road. i like the road into Nerregundah; even though it feels like its going to collapse, i know whats on the other side of it. i like seeing nothing around me but a road, and green paddocks. i like GC ice better than regular ice. i like new things, and really old things (you know.. things that have that old smell..). i like animals, and children. i like the truth. i like hi-fives (that end in clicks). i like pulling faces. i like trains and the people i see on them. i like cities. i like new faces. i like it when i get to work early. i like it when i get out of work on time. i like bare feet. i like grass. i like books, and lots of them. i like old people that ask funny questions. i like it when people smile at me for no good reason. i like painting walls. i like memories, and things that remind me of other people. i like Saul Williams. i like quirky things/people that make me smile/giggle. i like being young. i like feeling even younger. i like that in a few hours i am going camping with some people that i really like. i like life. scratch that; i love life. :]

valedictory.

two words: shit yes.
best damn night. i love everybody that i got to share it with. some more than others, but whatever.

:]

noend.

you're still pushing.
and i just can't stop crying.